I really cannot describe it.

I am in such a good mood today. My husband is getting a lot more kisses than usual, there is a spring in my step, and I occasionally break out into chants of "It's done!" or "It's happening!" My alpha testers now have access to the game, and here, I sit back for a minute, like Gandalf with his pipe, and reflect.

There's still a lot of work to be done: Fixing whatever inevitable bugs are discovered in the alpha, catching up on Steam documentation, figuring out what NW.js is and how to update it, adding to my walkthrough, adjusting sprites, and maybe throwing in a couple plugins for cosmetic purposes.

And yet.

It's finished.

I have a video game that can be played from start to finish. A cohesive project. A thing.

I never finish my projects, so this is a huge personal achievement. As I keep saying, because it still blows my mind, I started Rorasuketo in 2018. That's eight years ago. It's taken me eight years of picking it up, dropping it, kicking it around like a tin can, swearing it off, forgetting about it, remembering it, hating it, loving it, toiling, procrastinating, and on and on. A real fucking drama.

So, hopefully, when I meet other people who are struggling with their own endeavors, I can say, "It took me eight years to make a 4-hour video game, but I did it."

And funnily enough, after completing a video game in RPG Maker, I must say... I now feel like I have all the tools I need to make a game in RPG Maker.

Funny, right? That's what they mean when they say to start small and learn the process. Rorasuketo has been the full agonizing learning curve of figuring out how it all works, from self-switches to variables to nesting conditionals to common events. Now I'm like, "Cool, what's my next game going to be?" ...we'll see how long that enthusiasm lasts.

But, you guys. I did it.